Thursday, October 15, 2015

Taking control of your emotions.

In a usual day, we react to things around us. Greeting a friend, smiling stupidly as u watch a cute cat/puppy video, getting angry at your boss, etc.

You also notice your friend's or family member's reaction to changes around them.

For example, 
  • Your brother told you that he just got promoted, you acknowledge his emotion to the scenario and jump in joys if not you'd ask him for a treat. You acknowledge(thus you took note of their reaction) that being happy in this context is an acceptable response.
  • If your roommate jumps in fear when a cockroach takes flight, regardless of your reaction to the situation, you acknowledge his fear of cockroaches and jump to the rescue or you help find a match to set the place on fire. Either way, you agreed that being afraid of the flying roach is an acceptable response. Once again its because you took note of his/her reaction is why you gave an appropriate response.

The reason you would normally respond to the above mentioned scenario in the fashion I described is because you took note of their initial response. In the example given the emotional response is pretty much straight forward. In situations where you are not sure what the appropriate response is, you'll usually ask what they feel about it or if asking is not appropriate, you'll heighten your sense to look for any emotional changes so that you can conform to it - this is especially if you are close to the person.

So now we've seen people responding to things and how we react to it. Talking about how we react to things around us is also quite easy, an opportunity that benefits you gives off a happy response, a situation that sets you back usually gives a disappointing response,etc.

Early in this post I gave some neutral situations(greeting a friend, smiling at a cat/puppy video) however the reality around us is not all that perfect, we get into frustration, anger, hatred, greed, revenge, etc. All of which is not healthy nor beautiful.

We often dream of a perfect life, and when asked to describe a perfect life the usual association is money, happiness and worry free. In the ideal life negative feelings are not seen as having an association.

So, let me show you how to deal with this. I admit it is not easy but overtime you will be a natural.

Heard the phrase "are you listening to what you're saying?" this is especially if someone suggests a morally wrong or socially unacceptable way of conduct. Why do we say that? Obviously asking someone to hear themselves is not to be taken as literal as it sounds but more of to understand what they are saying. Would they not say what they just said? or Would they behave differently?

We talked about how we react to things, how people react to things and how we react to how they react to things...still following? haha....but did you know that we can see ourselves reacting to situations? Yes, read that again.

With this, you can immediately judge your response while you are responding to get a better outcome of the situation.

To achieve this we just need a little mental awareness that such thing exists and is possible, its not easy but it can be done with a little practice. We actually do it sometimes and it does improve us. Ever noticed that right before bed, when you put your gadgets away and try to fall asleep your mind becomes "uncontrollable" it reenacts the days scenario and think of ways it could have gone better, or if the scenario was good it reenacts it to relive the feeling of euphoria again. Or when you are in the shower, your mind begins to wander and apart from the concert you throw in there you also rethink of certain scenarios.

Those are a few example of situations that your mind review your actions and sees for ways it could be improved. Interestingly, we can tap into this in our daily life and believe me it will improve your relationship with people, your pets and your soul. It boosts your confidence as well.

"Nobody likes to see themselves behaving badly" this is exactly what we will use to improve our attitude. At the heat of the moment, when you can separate your soul from your body and see how you are behaving you'll reconsider your actions very carefully.

So how to do this and when? The most beneficial time to do this is also the most difficult time that is when you are angry. Before you shout or scream at the person, question yourself why did he do what he did? Would you have done the same? and the turning point is picturing yourself getting angry. If you do it vivid enough, you'll feel disgusted with your inappropriate action. Mind you I am not saying getting angry is a bad thing, I am saying getting angry is a normal thing but the way we chose to react when angry makes a huge impact in our life.

We see parents who are abandoned in hospitals and old folk homes, if their sons and daughters imagined watching themselves do it...they certainly would not. Sometimes imagining is not enough as some people lack the power of imagination, what we can do to help is question smartly. In the example i just mentioned, if the sons or daughters asked the question...when i get old, would my son do the same to me? Would i want that? Is god watching? something like that, ask yourself a few questions intelligently and you will make the right decision.

There are numerous examples which you can think of...especially those that makes you do a regrettable decision is where this will help a lot. 

In a happy situation, say your son did well in something and you praised him or gave him a kiss. Take a moment and ask yourself, was that enough of an encouragement? Should I have done more? Obviously imagining yourself doing what i mentioned will not make much of a different as it is a positive reaction from you.

In situations of panic, it helps to step out of your body and see yourself...ask what should you do next? Keeping calm is the first thing, the next is evaluating YOURSELF at the moment on how you are reacting to it. Evaluating it later in the shower or in bed is not going to improve the outcome of that situation at that time.

All this needs to be practiced from day to day to make it natural. To break it down to its very core, there are 3 aspects of this whole thing:
  • Your physical body
    • This reacts from the instructions of your mind 

  • Your mind
    • This can be controlled by your soul, taking a step back and looking at yourself and questioning yourself will improve your behaviour. 

  • Your virtual mind(Soul)
    • A higher order of thinking not present in any other creature known to man other than man himself. I use the word "soul" very loosely here, I don't mean to say animals have no soul.
Use the latter to control the former and you will be in control all the time every time.



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